New year - not so new me!

Christmas was wonderful - my children were grateful and my in laws were supportive. I felt like the break up north was a break from my worries. I was free. 

I  am determined not to start the New Year plagued with the same worries as I had last year. Not enough money - too many things to pay out - no way to make more money. However my new years resolution - "Only worry about things you can influence" has meant I haven't cried every day! 

This quote is so true so I can't afford to sink to the pressure of worries about things I can't change. 
I am working as hard as ever at work and enjoying my class. Really I think my class is the only thing that keeps me sane. I have thrown myself into organising SATs prep and smaller group work and think we should have everything sorted for the coming term. I hope so! 
Christmas was good - a blessing - but it made me long to be in a position to move back up north far more then I had before. The atmosphere, the places, the people - I miss it all. With no real extended family of my own down here my in- laws stepped up which was so reassuring. If the absolute worst was to happen and my husband was not taken onto a permenant contract at his work we wouldn't be homeless - we could move in with the MIL and survive. Obviously it is the last thing we would want to happen but its a security net that exists and for that I am so grateful. It has given me a goal - something to aim for. Keep scrimping, keep paying things off and we will finally be in a position to move back up north. 

We have budgeted to within a penny and we can just make it. I have opted out of the pension scheme at work - theres no way I will survive to pensionable age if I don't do something to make some more money now and between hubbies shifts and my day job it makes taking on part time virtually impossible - either through conflict of interest (I need all the hours I have to be the best teacher I can) or logistics (waitressing/bar work would rely on regular hours which with hubbbies shifts changes is impossible.) so, plough on tightening the belt as frequently as I can. 
I am hopeful that 2016 teaches me to be humble and grateful for all I have - I know I am defiantly thankful for my husband, my boys and the roof over my head far more then I was for the vast majority of 2015. I have felt the kindness of others through freegle and gifts of time, money and kindness far more then I had when times were good. I got more curtains for my house from another kind stranger on New Years Eve and cried in the car for a good half hour in gratitude for their kindness. My second new years resolution is to remember - everything happens for a reason - perhaps this happened to bring you into my life? 

What are your new years resolutions? Could anyone suggest any money saving/making tips I could try out? 
Thank you for reading my blog - it is something that has kept me going when I could have broken. 

Heartbeat from homelessness

I woke up this morning and my first thought turned to the weekly shop. This used to be something that, despite being a chore, actually filled me with excitement. I would pile the trolley high with meals for the week and little treats for everyone. It would be rare for me to return without an item of clothing for someone in the family and my first job upon returning was to 'clear the fridge' of all uneaten items from the week before. The waste was disgusting and always something I aimed to sort out at some point.
Now I am in the situation where a slight overspend on food will render us homeless. Our budget has no wiggle room whatsoever and it fills me with dread. I hate the prospect of doing the shop and know it must start with making a list. Anyone with any budget but healthy food ideas - let me know!

Pound shop wins

Another day over - another day closer to Christmas! Got a heap of presents from the pound store yesterday for my boys. Little wrestling figures, toy guns, bubbles, popcorn, popcorn bowls, sweets, glow-sticks, books and I'm sure theres some things I have forgotten. It doesn't look that much on its own but I'm sure once it is the crate it will look amazing. All that for just £12 - don't suppose they will notice the difference too much. Would like to spend a few more pounds getting another couple of wrestlers for the older one. He doesn't watch it but seems to be quite into it with his friends and even though these cheap figures are nothing like the sturdy WWE ones from toy shops - they will do him just fine. 
I also have their night lights - winning! 
Work got more stressful today - trip tomorrow - off into London, trip the day after - that one doesn't get back until midnight! Hate being out of class for a few days on the trot like that. Makes me and the kids unsettled, still can't be helped I suppose. Besides, whats Christmas without a little mayhem! 
Hubby got the bunk beds up while I was at work today - so exciting!Here's my little angels fast asleep in them now...
Their room is starting to come together a little now - just everywhere else to do with no time to do it! 
Must book moving day from work - at some point!!! 
I feel like I could shut my eyes and sleep for an eternity. Not good news when we have trekking to do in London town with children tomorrow! To bed!

So success. I found some curtains! Only one pair - one room sorted but thank the lord for small mercies. They were only ten pounds from the charity shop and whilst they may not be my first choice were I comfortable enough to choose - I'm not and they are clean and inoffensive. Result. I have also spent a large chunk of the day panicking about what to get the boys for Christmas and I think I have sorted that too. I bought these ... 

 

For a total of £15 and I'm going to make the boys a film night box and fill it with a blanket, popcorn, drinks, hot chocolate, marshmallows, sweets glow sticks a couple of cheap dvds. I have to get some paint to paint the crate before I put the stickers on. All in all I reckon I can get it all in for £40 for the two of them (the crates come in threes so I can do one each and keep one for the spuds) Im sure I have some ceramic pens somewhere and if I can dig them out I can decorate them a personalised mug each too. Then that just leaves Santa gifts but I might leave them to the other half as my creativity and funds are totally drained. 
I feel so energised by my minor successes - I might just pull this off!!
No one else will get presents. I don't have to worry about my extended family - they do some draw thing and know we aren't in it so I won't feel guilty. I'll have to do pound shop bundles for my niece and nephews and just a selection box for my friends children. No prezzies for the other half or other adults - just too poor. 

I so love Christmas it really does fill my heart with sadness that I can't do it properly. Next year will be better. And if the box comes off like this one I'll be chuffed. 

Starting Over

So by the age of thirty your supposed to have it in the bag right? This life gear? Your supposed to be a grown up?
Stability. A home, a husband, summer holidays and a car. A job, money to pay the bills. The husband the kids - icing on the cake. 


Well look at me now. According to my own criteria I would be a failure. All I have is the icing. I am starting over, starting from scratch just this time with three people who rely on me to get it right because I'm supposed to know. Im making a confession - I don't! 

Last week I moved my family into a new flat - well new to us. It wasn't a planned move as such and the first time I have felt my life spin out of control since my very early twenties. But now we're in I have no money to decorate it - to make it homely not even enough for a Christmas tree. But I'm going to do it. I have to. My boys are relying on me to make a home - so by hook or by crook I will make us one. I am going to peruse some charity shops in the hope of picking up some curtains and while they are away this weekend I am going to scrub the place until it shines. So much to do so little time. I'll upload some photos to trace my progress tomorrow.