New year - not so new me!

Christmas was wonderful - my children were grateful and my in laws were supportive. I felt like the break up north was a break from my worries. I was free. 

I  am determined not to start the New Year plagued with the same worries as I had last year. Not enough money - too many things to pay out - no way to make more money. However my new years resolution - "Only worry about things you can influence" has meant I haven't cried every day! 

This quote is so true so I can't afford to sink to the pressure of worries about things I can't change. 
I am working as hard as ever at work and enjoying my class. Really I think my class is the only thing that keeps me sane. I have thrown myself into organising SATs prep and smaller group work and think we should have everything sorted for the coming term. I hope so! 
Christmas was good - a blessing - but it made me long to be in a position to move back up north far more then I had before. The atmosphere, the places, the people - I miss it all. With no real extended family of my own down here my in- laws stepped up which was so reassuring. If the absolute worst was to happen and my husband was not taken onto a permenant contract at his work we wouldn't be homeless - we could move in with the MIL and survive. Obviously it is the last thing we would want to happen but its a security net that exists and for that I am so grateful. It has given me a goal - something to aim for. Keep scrimping, keep paying things off and we will finally be in a position to move back up north. 

We have budgeted to within a penny and we can just make it. I have opted out of the pension scheme at work - theres no way I will survive to pensionable age if I don't do something to make some more money now and between hubbies shifts and my day job it makes taking on part time virtually impossible - either through conflict of interest (I need all the hours I have to be the best teacher I can) or logistics (waitressing/bar work would rely on regular hours which with hubbbies shifts changes is impossible.) so, plough on tightening the belt as frequently as I can. 
I am hopeful that 2016 teaches me to be humble and grateful for all I have - I know I am defiantly thankful for my husband, my boys and the roof over my head far more then I was for the vast majority of 2015. I have felt the kindness of others through freegle and gifts of time, money and kindness far more then I had when times were good. I got more curtains for my house from another kind stranger on New Years Eve and cried in the car for a good half hour in gratitude for their kindness. My second new years resolution is to remember - everything happens for a reason - perhaps this happened to bring you into my life? 

What are your new years resolutions? Could anyone suggest any money saving/making tips I could try out? 
Thank you for reading my blog - it is something that has kept me going when I could have broken. 

Do unto others

So this is a weird title for my post but it relates to my job. So whilst struggling to afford food and Christmas presents for my children in work I am still a teacher and as such am expected to throw a class party for the kids, give them a small gift to take home and put in for gifts for other teachers. I have no idea how to say I can't afford it so I have taken on the - do to others as they do to you point of view. Just as I changed up my change jar to go to the pound shop to get candy canes and bought en masse the chocolate santa lollies (10 for a pound) for my class as gifts I know my oldests teacher will do the same. I gave into the collections the standard £5 for each teacher leaving (x2) and put in for the office and headteacher gifts collection because I can't let these people down - I am relying on the fact that they won't let me down either. Should I really need it I know I could turn to my TA and she would gladly take me and my family in for Christmas (I don't need to - I have the MIL for that! lol) but you get the idea. I'm finding me and my values again and didn't realise how much of a knock they had taken recently. Today I organised my class party - I went and spent every penny of the £15 they sent in and the rest of my change from my change jar. The wonderful job I have gives me the opportunity to give these kids lasting memories of Christmas at primary school and I have a duty to make it amazing - so I did. They loved the pass the parcel, musical chairs, newspaper fashion show and party snacks and all went out buzzing about the amazing time they had had together as a class. Memory making is amazing and Im glad to be a part of it for them. Such a warm Christmas feeling - happier days are coming... I have faith.

Heartbeat from homelessness

I woke up this morning and my first thought turned to the weekly shop. This used to be something that, despite being a chore, actually filled me with excitement. I would pile the trolley high with meals for the week and little treats for everyone. It would be rare for me to return without an item of clothing for someone in the family and my first job upon returning was to 'clear the fridge' of all uneaten items from the week before. The waste was disgusting and always something I aimed to sort out at some point.
Now I am in the situation where a slight overspend on food will render us homeless. Our budget has no wiggle room whatsoever and it fills me with dread. I hate the prospect of doing the shop and know it must start with making a list. Anyone with any budget but healthy food ideas - let me know!

Starting Over

So by the age of thirty your supposed to have it in the bag right? This life gear? Your supposed to be a grown up?
Stability. A home, a husband, summer holidays and a car. A job, money to pay the bills. The husband the kids - icing on the cake. 


Well look at me now. According to my own criteria I would be a failure. All I have is the icing. I am starting over, starting from scratch just this time with three people who rely on me to get it right because I'm supposed to know. Im making a confession - I don't! 

Last week I moved my family into a new flat - well new to us. It wasn't a planned move as such and the first time I have felt my life spin out of control since my very early twenties. But now we're in I have no money to decorate it - to make it homely not even enough for a Christmas tree. But I'm going to do it. I have to. My boys are relying on me to make a home - so by hook or by crook I will make us one. I am going to peruse some charity shops in the hope of picking up some curtains and while they are away this weekend I am going to scrub the place until it shines. So much to do so little time. I'll upload some photos to trace my progress tomorrow.